Navigating the Need to Escape: A Personal Reflection

Do any of you ever feel the impulse to run away? I’ve been confronting this urge more often recently as life throws its never-ending challenges my way. When everything becomes too heavy, I’ve noticed a pattern: I try to escape by controlling my surroundings. I start cleaning, organizing, rearranging, and even helping others with their chaos—anything to distract myself from the storm of unresolved issues in my own life.

Yet, no level of organizing can address my actual challenges. I often sit idly, feeling helpless, making numerous calls, only to be redirected to the same elusive "they." You know, those enigmatic advisors who appear to dwell in a bureaucratic haze, promising they'll "attend to me" whenever possible. It's immensely frustrating.

Taking control of all that you can

I often wonder—does anyone else feel this way? This intense need to have control over your life, particularly when it seems like everything is working against you. Now in my thirties, despite our efforts to gain independence by purchasing our own home, it seems as though everything I've worked for is slipping away.

As a person with a disability, I encounter challenges that seem to increase every day.

In Ireland, when you marry, your disability allowance is significantly reduced, as if implying, it's the 1950s: “Congratulations, now you have a partner to support you.”

Why would you, like every other couple in the state, need two incomes or financial independence? But the reality is quite different. The allowance I depended on for medications and daily expenses has been cut, leaving my husband and me to handle everything on our own. We’ve never asked for handouts or relied on housing schemes, yet somehow, we’re now being penalized for our commitment to each other.

My frustration increases due to the fact my husband is being taxed as a single man, while my disability allowance is repeated reviewed and reduced. I've asked about this many times, but I always receive the same bureaucratic reply: "Just wait, we’ll look in to it." Waiting has become my routine... and I'm not a patient person... hence the restlessness and the urge to run!

It's this constant feeling of entrapment that intensifies my desire to escape....The thought of running away is tempting... but in reality, I know there’s no hiding.

The system is almost aware of every euro I spend, I couldn’t even take a weekend trip to Galway without it pinging it on the system some where... "alert media she's rich she went away for two nights!!"

Alas the regular reviews of my financial situation has level of anxiety is so high that things will worsen I clean instead of run... It’s a confining sensation.

People frequently inquire whether I'm seeking employment, and indeed, I apply daily. Yet, the moment I disclose that I use a wheelchair, I can practically sense the excuses accumulating from the other side.

Despite it being 2025, I still feel that my value as an employee is undermined due to my disability. This feeling of being trapped is incredibly draining.

I want to share my thoughts because I know I'm not alone in facing inner struggles. Many of us experience a strong desire to escape from life's demands, whether it’s the complexities of living with a disability, or the frustrations of dealing with in human bureaucratic systems.

We often fight our battles in silence.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or seeking an escape, remember that you're not alone. I want to know more about your experiences too…

That’s why I’m starting my podcast, where I’ll be having real conversations, like this, with real people, opening up about our experiences, so we can create a supportive community where we feel understood and empowered, ultimately connecting and uplifting one another as we navigate our challenges together. share our experiences….

So I ask you—how do you cope when the urge to run away takes over?

How do you reclaim your sense of control in a world that feels chaotic?

Do you also rearrange every tin can in your house so its label faces the right side out?

Or can you actually afford to leave it all behind and clear your brain?

Does that even work?

Or do you just come back to the same mess?